dirty golf quotes

Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. ", Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Please add a link to this site. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Golf?! Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. course sometime. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Thats incredible. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Watch their eyes. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Knock, knock A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Sawdust City LLC. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. After 18 holes I can barely walk. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. 6. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Knock, knock What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. I play Bass. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Drop some in the comments! G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. The other 20. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. It bends a little to the left. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. They dont have the heart for it. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Find the ball. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Any birdie will do. Dirty Golf Sayings. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Jim Murray. 8. Your email address will not be published. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". 21. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. putt." Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. It can be rewarding. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. 1. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Whos there? Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Keep your sense of humor. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Clubbing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. If you drink, dont drive. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Lee Trevino. If you break 80, watch your business.". He was perfecting his swing. Please add a link to this article. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? "If you break 100, watch your golf. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. After 18 holes I can barely walk. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. You must remember not to remember to think. It can be difficult. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. I like big putts and I cannot lie. We have a threesome, care to join us? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. A great shot is when you pull it off. Bruce Lansky. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Just ask my ex -wives. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. The 19th hole. Whos there? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Golf is a lot like life. On the Green In Two. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. 1. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. "Hockey is a sport for white men. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe.

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